Whitney is an HR manager. She works for a small IT company.
She found herself facing one of the most challenging conversations an employee can have: confronting her boss about his behavior. Adding to the difficulty factor, her boss was the company president.
Whitney knew she would not be doing her job if she didn’t confront Sal about what she had heard. He had shared something with a manager about another employee, something that should have remained confidential.
Whitney decided that she would discuss the issue with Sal in their next meeting.
Before their meetings, she and Sal send each other agenda items. On the agenda list Whitney emailed Sal, she included an item referencing the conversation in which Sal had been indiscreet.
When the agenda item comes up in the meeting, Whitney says to Sal: “I’m aware that you shared with Bill about Arthur’s upcoming layoff. I had concerns about what happened and wanted to understand your decision in doing that.”
Sal’s face turns red. He says, “I’m totally embarrassed, but I want to tell you my rationale.”
After he shares his reasoning and they discuss the situation more, Sal says “I understand I made a mistake and it won’t happen again.”
Whitney is well aware that one of Sal’s greater strengths as a leader — his unpretentious, non-hierarchical, authentic style of leading — has occasionally become a liability. Every now and then, he forgets appropriate boundaries and says things that should have not been said in a particular context.
Because of this, she fully expects it will happen again.
“Actually, Sal…I think it probably will… We’ve had this conversation before and it’s happened again.”
She then gives Sal some examples, not in an accusatory or shaming way, but in a simple descriptive way so Sal will understand her assertion.
Hearing this, Sal responds with “You should probably document this, shouldn’t you?”
Whitney is both stunned and impressed by Sal’s willingness to put himself in a vulnerable position with a subordinate. He doesn’t use his power to put himself above the rules or being held accountable.
Whitney tells him she thinks it would be wise to do so, and to do it with email so they have documentation.
Later, Whitney follows up with the email and Sal acknowledges it.
This 10 minute conversation illustrates the impact any conversation can have on how an employee feels about their manager. It illustrates far more than this, though.
Here’s the effect this conversation had on Whitney.
She had recently been paying attention to other job opportunities, something she had never done before in the over 10 years she had worked at this company. She loved working there, in large part because of the culture of respect created by Sal’s leadership.
However, the last couple of years had been tough, with economic and marketplace shifts forcing the company to reduce hours and salaries. The tumult had made her less confident about the company’s future and led her to question if she would be wise to explore alternatives.
This conversation changed everything.
It reminded her of why she loved working at this company. It reminded her of how deeply she appreciated Sal’s authenticity and willingness to be challenged and held accountable. It reminded her of how much she loved the authentic, respectful culture they had created, and what a pleasure it was working in such an atmosphere.
Whitney’s reaction is a good reminder of the huge impact a single conversation can have.
Don’t let Whitey’s story result in an “Oh…that’s nice” response and nothing more.
Use it to reflect on YOUR leadership style and how you respond to feedback and challenge. If you do, it can have the following impact:
Here are three questions to get you started:
If you are not sure how to respond to these questions, or you are simply very serious about becoming even better about getting feedback and critical information, consider having your team interviewed on how you are doing in this area and how you can improve.