We Disclaim any Responsibility for This Post

contract lawyer ad Before you read this week’s Roundup, please pardon the legal fine print, which I will dispose of forthwith.

Because this week’s post deals with lawyers, who like venomous spiders, ill-tempered rattlesnakes, and dark, lonely alleyways, are all to be avoided, we hereby disclaim any intent to injure, defraud, defame, dispossess, (add your favorite legal disclaimers here) any organization, institution, business or person living or dead.

Now, to our story: It seems in Richmond, Virginia a certain contract attorney working for a staffing firm there got frustrated and decided to go public, posting an amusing (if you aren’t the staffing firm or a contract lawyer) help wanted ad on Craigslist.

The ad has been deleted from the site, but not before AbovetheLaw.com got a copy and posted highlights, beginning with the obligatory “We are currently seeking” part. And what is that was being sought? “Licensed attorneys for upcoming projects that will likely never materialize.”

Among the “requirements” posted by the disgruntled worker (I think I can say that with complete journalistic objective) were these:

“Submit to an extensive and worthwhile conflicts check and body cavity search because we understand that you possess top secret company information from past clients, and we know that you remember all of it;
Consider Flavia, donuts, bagels, and pizza fringe benefits;
Place little value on your skills because you will not receive a fair wage.”

The poster concludes the job ad thusly:

Thanks for being stupid, unmotivated LOSERS who don’t mind me – and my firm, (deleted) – making money hand over fist while we pay you THE SAME WAGE A BURGER KING MANAGER WITH NO G.E.D. MAKES!

Costco Pays $26 an Hour? Who Knew?

Unlike TV lawyers, contract lawyers never get to do cool stuff. Mostly they review documents. When you hear that some company had to turn over “thousands of documents and emails,” you can pretty much be sure that some document reviewer making $25 an hour looked at each one.

Being lawyers, the work, and pay rate can make some cranky even when they’re not taking the job. In New York City a staffing firm looking for $24 an hour reviewers got this in response to their ad:

I’m sure you know, $24/hour for an attorney licensed to practice law in NY is beyond insulting. Costco workers make $26/hr and they accept felons and require only a GED.

And what happens when they make a mistake and something slips through to the opposing party that shouldn’t have? They get fired, of course.

Being lawyers, they don’t take it lying down. In this case, the aggrieved and now former contract attorney fired off an email to the entire firm, which I quote in its most interesting part:

ME?! TERMINATED?! One of the best, one the fastest, one of the most diligent contract attorneys, one of most loyal attorneys, who, despite being offered better deals at other firms, decided to stay with W&S for the most embarrassing rate of $32.00 per hour. I worked on the xxxxxx case when I went into labor; I was back at work within 5 days after giving birth.

No one can beat lawyers for wordiness. But for the most engaging resignations and bridge-burning, nothing beats broadcaster. Liz Wahl, who worked for Russia Today as its U.S. news anchor, quit on the air to protest the way the station handled the Crimea invasion. (Ignore the fact that with a name like Russia Today, publicly funded and run by the Russian government, what did ya expect?)