Hold the Elevator? Not For You Cell Phone Guy

Have you ever gotten on an elevator and had to stand there floor after floor while some jerk is practically breathing in your face while discussing their personal affairs over a cell phone that keeps cutting out on them?

Oh yeah. It’s times like that we wish the same death upon them as befell Nora Carpenter. So it was with great glee we discovered this week we are not alone. CareerBuilder says 35 percent of American workers agree with us that talking on a cell phone is one of the most annoying elevator habits of others that we must endure. (Endure, unless we happen to know Death.)

Right behind that is not holding the door open for someone, which 33 percent of the workers abhor. (Jerk and friends make up the 16 percent who admit pushing the “close” button when they see someone rushing.) Just about tied with that at 32 percent are the folks who can’t abide having someone stand too close when there’s plenty of room in the elevator; and the same percent don’t get why someone would push themselves onto a crowded elevator.

What are the weirdest things people have seen on an elevator? For a survey of 3,892 full-time workers over 17, we have to admit being sort of surprised that changing a diaper, pantsing a co-worker (that was the 18-year-old in the survey, we would guess), and teeth flossing made the list. We once got on an elevator with a man with a parrot on his should and a monkey on a leash.

Rainbow Resume

Like all professions, Wall Street has its own language. Due, no doubt at least in part to its New York City heritage, the jargon is more colorful, closer to short-order speak than what you might expect from bankers and investment professionals. An “air-pocket stock” is one whose price suddenly plummets due to a sell off. A “poison pill” can be an effective anti-takeover defense.

So young Matthew, a would-be entry-level trader, can be forgiven for not knowing exactly what it means when a Wall Streeter asks for more “color.” But interpreting it to mean using multiple colors is his email with a recruiter, well, we suspect his resume is headed to bagel land.

Something to Sit On at Your Seat at the Table

For years HR has been trying to shed its “picnic planning” image and do more business-oriented work. Hence the ongoing attempt to rename the function (you know — personnel, HR, talent management, human capital, people management, workforce management, yada, yada, yada). Apparently someone at SHRM missed the memo, as the company’s new offer, if you join SHRM, includes this:

And now, we’re giving away a fun picnic blanket to help you enjoy your time away from work as well. SHRM is here for you in so many ways…

You deserve all these resources. Join SHRM today for only $180 a year.

Use promo code MM128KU to receive a roll-up picnic blanket.

P.S. Remember, this offer ends Friday, August 10.

* Colors vary. Blankets will be mailed in August.