A Classic for Our Modern Holidays: The Twelve Days of Wellness

On the first day of wellness

my company said to me,

Lose weight or pay big bucks.

On the second day of wellness

My company said to me,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the third day of wellness

My company said to me,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the fourth day of wellness

My company said to me,

We have no programs to help you,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the fifth day of wellness

My company said to me,

You’re on your own!

We have no programs to help you,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the sixth day of wellness

My company said to me,

Here have a donut,

You’re on your own!

We have no programs to help you,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the seventh day of wellness

My company said to me,

Health care’s up 9 percent,

Here have a donut,

You’re on your own!

We have no programs to help you,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the eighth day of wellness

My company said to me,

We value face time,

Health care’s up 9 percent,

Here have a donut,

You’re on your own!

We have no programs to help you,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the ninth day of wellness

My company said to me,

Your job’s at risk,

We value face time,

Health care’s up 9 percent,

Here have a donut,

You’re on your own!

We have no programs to help you,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the tenth day of wellness

My company said to me,

Do this job also now,

Your job’s at risk,

We value face time,

Health care’s up 9 percent,

Here have a donut,

You’re on your own!

We have no programs to help you,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the eleventh day of wellness

My company said to me

We’re having layoffs,

Do this job also now,

Your job’s at risk,

We value face time,

Health care’s up 9 percent,

Here have a donut,

You’re on your own!

We have no programs to help you,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

*

On the twelfth day of wellness

My company said to me

Our 4th quarter’s excellent,

We’re having layoffs,

Do this job also now,

Your job’s at risk,

We value face time,

Health care’s up 9 percent,

Here have a donut,

You’re on your own!

We have no programs to help you,

Lower your cholesterol,

Stop using tobacco,

And lose weight or pay big bucks.

Parody or not? Happy Holidays.

This was originally published on Fran Melmed’s Free-Range Communication blog.